my phone needs a breathalizer
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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