You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize