I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
