people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
