I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
