shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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