you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
