my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it was like eating out sand paper
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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