Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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