WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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