Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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