Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
