It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
