my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she told me i tasted like america
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drunk is a universal language darling
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
