I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize