How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We just shotgunned beers for America
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
