If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
