i came on her dog
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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