dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
