I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
