I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
