I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
