the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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