if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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