I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
