My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
