Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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