my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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