That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
