she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's just like the Real World with babies
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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