one word: firstdatebathroomanal
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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