So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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