careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize