Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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