whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
