Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
