i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
