So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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