after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drake has all the answers
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
