those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
