My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
