He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
