Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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