Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i think my cat just said my name.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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