I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
