So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize