Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
