If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
