I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
