Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.