Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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