I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize