Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
