...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.