no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
