Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own