Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
