splinters make it hard to masturbate
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
