shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
