did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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