: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
