how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
