Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
