Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
