my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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