the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
