I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
