Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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