; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
