He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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