I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
