I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
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Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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