At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
