Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
