I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
