Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
