ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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