True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
