Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
