Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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