You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
