Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
