she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
