The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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