Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
