I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
